Wow. There is so much I want to write about that it's hard to decide where to start! I think I need to have several sub-headings to keep it all straight... To begin with, my sister gave birth to her son a few days ago. During the course of her labor a whole lot more than just a baby was in the process of being born.
FATHERS:
I'm going to take a minute and write about men in general, and fathers in particular. My husband, Mircea is my strength. When he is around I feel calm, centered and also energized. During my labors, I needed him right with me at all times. He didn't need to do or say anything--I just needed to hang onto him. It was the same for my sister and her husband. He was right next to her the whole time. Anytime we offered to let him rest, he refused, prefering to stay with his wife. It was an, "if she can do it so can I," type of attitude :) The rest of us women, her sisters and mother and midwives, all made sure that she drank, ate, stayed positive and let the contractions do their good work. We each had our roles and they played out beautifully. The man's role is quieter, but no less vital. Men are strong and focused. When asked to do something, they do it, and they do it well. I am so proud of the men in my life--my husband and my brother-in-law. They are true warriors--proud, strong, and incredibly self-sacrificing for those they love.
MOTHERS:
Women are way different from men. We're louder, for one thing :) Our feelings and emotions make us at once more exciting and joyful, but they can also make us prone to self-pity and self-centeredness. I think we are by nature giving creatures. Our emotions are very strong, however, and make it almost impossible for us to not pay attention to them--which means we have to constantly turn inward to listen to our feelings. Sometimes our feelings help us to act lovingly and generously toward others, and sometimes our feelings help us to get angry or frustrated. With my second daughter, Tess, I decided to be proactive and to not let my emotions get the better of me. During labor, rather than greeting each contraction with, "Oh God no, not another one!" attitude, (which was what I had with my first labor) I used words like, "Yes!" and "Come on baby. Mama wants you." I told Tess how much I loved her and I asked for her to help me bring her out safely. I can't tell you how much that positive work did for me. After Tess was born, I could not stop smiling. I was floating on happy mommy feelings for days afterwards.
So, armed with that experience I helped my sister do the same thing for her labor. It worked the same way--even though her labor was at least 9 times longer than mine (60 hours!!!). She talked to her son. And, even though she was feeling pain--it hurt a lot; she focused all her energy and strength on her baby boy. She called him, "darling." She told him she loved him. She reassured him that he was safe, and encouraged him to, "wiggle down," and "come out!" They worked together, and despite the odds, she was able to give birth vaginally, something she very much wanted. She still has this ridiculously huge smile on her face, and both she and her husband agree that they have never been happier in their lives. Now, is that something you would expect to hear from a woman and her husband after 60 hours of labor??
I think the lesson we both learned from our labors was that even though we women have strong emotions, we don't have to be slaves to them. We can change how we feel based on what is important to us. It is a very beautiful and empowering thought.
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